This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
