I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
