she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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