i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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