You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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