there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
