She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
