seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just blew my weed a kiss
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Randomize
