I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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