there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
