Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
