Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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