dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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