dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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