Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
