Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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