I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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