living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
