Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
