I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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