An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
