he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
