sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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