That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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