Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
