it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
