I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
