fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
