Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
