Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Woke up backwards on a recliner
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
