She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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