Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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