i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
