I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
