She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
