It's Friday. Sex?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
