His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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