I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
