i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
