I think I just saw someone hide a body.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
