Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
