But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
