I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
