When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just found a bag of teeth...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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