I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
