you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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