By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
