does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
