You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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