I need to stop coming to work sober
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
