She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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