make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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