Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
