Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just want nice things and good sex
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
