hotel room ftw
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
